Doing the Right Thing vs. Doing the Hard Thing Out of Love

Last week, we asked a tough question: Do you do the right thing out of pity, or the hard thing out of love? Today, I want to share why that question hit so close to home for us.

As many of you know, we have a nephew who has lived with his nanny for years. She has custody of him. His father passed away a few years ago, and his mother is no longer in the picture. He just turned 17 and, honestly, life hasn’t been easy for him. Over the past few years, he’s had multiple run-ins with the law. We’ve tried before to get custody, but were told “no” by certain family members. So, we stepped back.

Fast forward to September. We get an urgent call from his nanny—our nephew is at risk of being sent to a group home, or worse. In that moment, we said, No. We’ll take him. He’s family. We went to meetings, attended court, and worked on a plan. We wanted to help.

But here’s the truth: our nephew has been given everything for years. He’s never been taught responsibility or accountability. His only concern is himself. When his nanny asked us to watch him while she went to Florida—yes, in the middle of the school year—we agreed. During those few days, driving him back and forth, I learned a lot about him… and it wasn’t good. He told me, and his nanny, that he didn’t like my kids. That hit hard. My kids have more respect and character than he’s ever shown.

As the week went on, I saw it clearly: he doesn’t want to change. He feels entitled because life has been hard. But here’s the thing—hardship doesn’t give you the right to treat people poorly. We’ve all had struggles. You don’t get a free pass.

Two weeks ago, we got another call. He was suspended for vaping. Lied to my face about it. Failed another drug test. At that point, Corey and I sat down and talked for hours. What do we do? The answer wasn’t simple, but it was clear: we couldn’t take him in. We couldn’t let his negativity and attitude affect our kids.

Sounds harsh, right? But here’s the lesson: when you try to do the “right thing” out of pity, instead of the hard thing out of love, you mess up. Family doesn’t mean you cave every time. Sometimes love means saying no. And that’s what we did. We told them, “We’re sorry. He cannot come here.”

It wasn’t easy. It broke our hearts. But love isn’t always soft—it’s strong enough to protect what matters most.